Sex Robot

“What in God’s name is that, Jeffrey?”

“What are you talking about?”

“There is a whole robot standing in my kitchen! What is all this? Speak now!”

Jeffrey was fully immersed in the user manual he was holding, forcing his partner’s queries to the back of his mind. Specifically, to the compartment in which he kept all the things she asked, but he never answered.

“Oooh-ah! Can you bloody well leave me alone?!” Jeffrey swatted at Oyebia, who was becoming aggressive and ill-tempered, as was her nature when people shut her out.

“Listen, woman! You pushed me to do this!”

“How did I push you? Small man! You have gone to waste our money again, isn’t it?” Oyebia snatched the user manual from Jeffrey.

“Goodness me!” Her hands flew to her mouth and the user manual fell to the floor. “A sex robot? But Jeffrey… what … I…”

Jeffrey, with much effort, bent down and picked up the manual. After his breaths had evened, he addressed his wife.

“For a year now, we have not had sex. I have asked and asked and asked. I have used Spanish fly; I have gotten you drunk. I’m even ashamed to say this; I thought of drugging you at a point. But still, no sex for me. So, if that is the case, and for this marriage, if I should add,” Jeffrey made to emphasise this point by jabbing at the user manual, “…. if that is the case, then I would order a sex robot and have sex with it until you are ready… because… I am a good husband and will not cheat,” he finished with a humph.

“You must be sick in the head! You small man! You must be crazy to think that this,” she fingered the sex robot, which had just beeped, “that this is not cheating.”

“But it is a machine, isn’t it?”

To Oyebia’s disbelief, her partner had asked the question to the sex robot. It turned its blank eyes to Oyebia, its wig flicking to the side, and said, “Madam Oo-ye-be-be-ya, I am just a robot. My function is purely sexual pleasure. It is not adultery.”

Oyebia tugged at the cloth around her body then patted down on her own wig. Struggling to do many things, but mainly to understand how her marriage had collapsed into such a heap.

Jeffrey grabbed the sex robot’s hand and began to walk out of the kitchen.

“Where are you going?”

“Ah, I am going to have sex with the robot…” Jeffrey shuffled out of the kitchen with the robot. Oyebia heard the robot compliment his stomach and handsome face as they walked out.

Still clutching her cloth, she thought of why she had refused her husband sex this whole time. And how that much talked-about romantic spark had waned over the years. Waned to the point of non-existence. Then she thought guiltily of the dildo stashed in her drawer. She thought of the unreal pleasure it gave her. And how the dildo was more of a partner to her than the man who had just walked out of the kitchen. But that man was her partner. And somehow, there didn’t seem to be so much of a difference between the dildo and the robot.

Oyebia smiled to herself.

‘Maybe her husband would get better at sex now?’ she thought.

Oyebia shrugged, then let her cloth fall to the kitchen floor as she walked out butt-naked to join her husband and the robot.